my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
