Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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