i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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