Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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