dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
operation have a gay friend backfired
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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