I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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