Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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