She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
