S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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