i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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