Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize