Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
