Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
