I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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