Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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