I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize