ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
