I heard we made out
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
