I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
