There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
