If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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