Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and she was petting her beer can
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she peed on how many people?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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