it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
