Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
