If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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