I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
