so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
