kristin has been a bad kristin
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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