Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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