Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
