physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
