I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
