he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
