she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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