She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
