I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
