you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
