is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
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I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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