It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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