hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
