So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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