I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have aggressive nipples.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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