Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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