I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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