like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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