There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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