First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
