Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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