I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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