how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
no you cant smoke seaweed
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
