hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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