Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
