I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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