words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
