White coat. Heels.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
