Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best

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(630): View more from Illinois

after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked

(708): View more from Illinois

so?

(630): View more from Illinois

then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.

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(801): View more from Utah

we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha

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(702): View more from Nevada

we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...

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