God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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