Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize