Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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