Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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