I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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