Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
