he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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