Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
