Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
