your parents love me but you hate me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
