brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
