The maid of honor just puked.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
