I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
